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Coming Out of the Adoption Closet and Secondary Rejection

by Laura on March 13th, 2013

This message brought to you by the “Ultimate Adoptee Trump Card.”

It’s go time.

I’ve been “out” as an adoptee for years. Hell, I published a book called Adopted Reality.

Because I didn’t want to get sued, Out of respect for my birth father’s privacy, I changed his name and identifying details. His wife knows I exist, but he never told his three kids.

For those who haven’t read all the gory details in my memoir aren’t aware, after my birth father rejected me in a loud, aggressive fashion, I never contacted him again. But, I always wanted to know my half-siblings. Furthermore, I’m sick of my birth father holding a secret which isn’t his to keep anymore.

What follows it an email I sent a few weeks ago (minus identifying details).

Dear Complete Stranger, Who is Also My Brother

I’m a complete stranger to you. And yet, I’m your (half) sister.

I’m guessing this comes as a surprise. It’s not a surprise for me; I’ve known who you are for more than ten years, but I waited to contact you until I was sure you were over eighteen.

Of course, the relationship between my birth mom and your dad was not meant to be. After I was born, your mom and dad got together, and soon enough, they had three beautiful children of their own.

In the meantime I was born, assigned to my new parents, and called Laura Dennis.

It wasn’t until I was 23, planning to get married, that I finally decided to search for my biological roots. In March 2001, I reunited with my birth mom. A few months later, I spoke several times with your dad. He acknowledged that he was my biological father. He mentioned that he had three children.

When I said, “They’re my half-siblings,” he replied, “I guess you could look at it that way.”

Well, I do. I do look at it that way. I have three additional siblings, about whom I know extremely little.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my adoptive family. They gave me unconditional love and support. I’ve had a good life. And yet. I have three additional siblings.

Why am I contacting you? Why am I potentially disrupting your life?

The best answer I can give you is, I would like to know you, and I would like you to know me.

I’m married, I have two children, aged three and five (your nephew and niece, actually!). I also know that when I was in my early 20’s I was not interested in family “drama”; I was focused on socializing with friends and developing my career. I get it if you’re not interested. I would be sad, but, I would understand. I would only ask that you please just let me know that you received this letter. Even if you don’t want contact, just that you received it. Please.

I’m also sending a letter to your brother. I’m not sending one to your sister, because I believe she isn’t eighteen yet, and I think it’s best to respect her privacy until she is an adult. (That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to know her, though!)

I am 99.9% sure that I am your half-sister. I found you through a mutual friend of my birth parents.

I hope I can be “found” back.

Love,

Laura

*  *  *  *  *

“Secondary rejection” defined

Almost immediately, the eldest brother blocked me on Facebook.

The younger brother has not responded.

In the weeks that have passed, I’ve been sad and confused, but also at peace. I tried, I outed myself, and I’m still okay. I look at the photo of the younger brother and it’s bittersweet … because he looks like my son, they even have the same haircut.

I’ve really wanted to write about this “secondary rejection.” It happens more often than people realize, and comes in a variety of forms. It’s important for the non-adopted world to realize that adoption secrets still exist. People are hurting because of them. Nevertheless, I’ve been reluctant to post this story, and I asked myself: Why?

Then I read an article recommended by one of my Lost Daughters sisters called, The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck. And I realized that I was keeping quiet because I hoped that if I remained a “nice, grateful, compliant adoptee,” I wouldn’t be rejected … again. Maybe, if I waited long enough and patiently enough, my birth father and his family would realize I’m loveable and would respond to me.

Then, I decided: fornicate this fecal matter.

Like I said, It’s go time.

I take your secondary rejection and I raise you one loud adoptee. This, right here, is the adoptee trump card: I’m out. I’m adopted. Truly, I’d love to hear from you, but I won’t be crying any tears if when I don’t. You may think I’m crazy, you may want nothing to do with me, but you know what? I exist. I won’t be quiet. I. am. still. here.

More importantly, I have plenty of people who like and even love me. I choose to focus on them.

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55 Comments
  1. Laura, I love, love, love this post and you! Those brothers of yours are missing out on a wonderful person. .. but F*** them! I'm glad this article inspired you as it did me. Did you catch what he said in there about the people who don't give a F*** are the ones who make things happen in the world? We have people who love us — family — and other adopted people who have been rejected and swept under the rug. But this makes us stronger than them! They have never suffered in the same way we have and came out ahead. The older I get the more I embrace rejection. To my brother who does not acknowledge me: I'm o.k. because I have a brother who loves me! To the sister who breaks her promises: No worries. I have a sister-friend who grew up in my house — also adopted– who I consider my closest confidante. Your rejection, blood relatives, are only a reflection of your own inability to deal with reality. Maybe you should read the article!

    • Laura permalink

      You are so great, thank you for your vote of confidence! I think that this "making things happen in the world" could also be a product of our adoptee resilience. Yes! Embrace the rejection! I like this phrase :)

  2. Loved this post, Laura!

    I hate it for you that your natural family cannot see what so many of us in cyberspace can see just from reading your words.

    I don't want to make any natural family enemies here, but I find it more despicable when a natural family rejects an adopted daughter/son/brother/sister. To cut you off so coldly…It breaks my heart.

    • Laura permalink

      Kellie,
      Yes! I know, right? I have a feeling that they believe the "adoption story" that I have my "own" family now, and that they are not them. It's sad, but it's part of the socially acceptable "mainstream" adoption fog narrative. Thanks for your sympathy, it means a lot!
      Laura

  3. Wow! Again how brave of you to put yourself out there. I'm sure this is all new to them, as you said. Plus, they were raised by a man who didn't tell them about you. Maybe with time, as they grow older and more into their own ideas and not the shadow of their dad's they'll come around. Then they'll know where to find you. Sending you hugs. And I'm not even a hugger.

    • Laura permalink

      Marie,
      I *especially* appreciate hugs from people who are not huggers :)
      Yes, I think so … maybe they'll come around, and they'll know where to find me — just google Laura Dennis adoption, and they'll have *more* than enough info :) (for better or for worse, but in the meantime, I'm not gonna be quiet!)
      Laura

  4. Upset that apple cart! Great post! (Again.)

    • Laura permalink

      The apples are flying over here in Serbia!
      Thanks, Corie :)

  5. Can't stop snickering at the fornicate declaration!

    While I'm sorry that you didn't get the reaction you hoped for (and I hoped for), I am thrilled that you have the confidence to be out and loud and proud.

    Their loss.

    (Still holding hope for Brother #2.)

    • Laura permalink

      Lori,
      Me, too. I feel maybe some kindred spirit, or more like hope … I agree, it's their loss–I won't reject them, but I won't be silent, either.
      Laura

  6. Lesley Earl permalink

    I really love that you have reached a point in your life where whether they respond or not you are okay. It hurts so much when others (adoptees) fall apart when their families of origin want nothing to do with them. I understand it is a process getting there but what a waste of energy to bemoan the loss of people who want nothing to do with you.

    • Laura permalink

      Lesley,
      I agree, it a waste of energy, but it can be so painful, and that's exactly why I wanted to write about this. So many other adoptees are truly devastated by secondary rejection, and I wanted to show that it is "survivable" … and it makes me appreciate the love I do have in my life.
      Laura

  7. Julie permalink

    I love and hate this post….good stuff. Good job & kudos 4 doing ur thing!

    • Laura permalink

      Julie,
      I'm 100% with you–I'm glad I wrote it, but I hate that things have turned out this way.
      Thanks for your support!
      Warmly,
      Laura

  8. Lee H. permalink

    Laura…I think you are meaning to kick my ass with your post today! ;)

    Or maybe it's God messing with me. Our stories are not the same, but I also have a brother who does not know me or know about me. I sit back and wait and wait for the right time to contact him, talk about it in counseling. I SAY that I will be ok even if he does not want anything to do with me, but what I really FEEL is that I don't want rejection. I want a brother…my brother. But, I am also a realist and know that the odds are unclear how it will turn out. I think you may have nudged me over the ledge without intending to! Bravo.

    My son who is 20 also looks like my brother. My cousin gave me a picture of him when he was 18…I just seem to stare at that picture.

    My brother did not do anything…just like me he was born into what I was born into. We have the same first father and both lost him in very different ways. I am so lucky to have my dad back and to have him love and accept me completely. I have to let my brother feel what he feels even if it means being/feeling rejected. I would guess if he rejects me it is more rejecting the idea of me, not the personal, real me (I am pretty great, who wouldn't want to be my brother!).

    We are also 3 months apart in age if you want to try to figure that one out! Sheer craziness….

    Thank you, thank you….I am giving myself a deadline to contact my brother.

    • Laura permalink

      Lee,
      Thanks so much for writing — I can totaly empathize with knowing you have a brother, thinking about it … and yes wondering about the rejection. How will you handle it? I tend to be more of the out-on-a-limb … and you're right if he rejects you, it's more the idea of you, but still, it hurts.

      Please! Keep me updated! I would love to hear how things go …
      Laura

  9. Just so you know–I would love to be able to claim you as my sister…it is these men's loss that they turn a blind eye to your 'adopted reality'. I hope that one day one or both of them will reconsider their positions and contact you. And if not, there is always your sister in a few years. Good for you, Laura, for finding the strength to be true to yourself.

    • Laura permalink

      Sylvia!!! Thank you … I hope they reconsider, too … and yes, I'm still holding out hope for the youngest sibling. It feels really good to be "out" and true to myself. –Laura

  10. Annie permalink

    Very powerful essay! From my lofty perch of 50+ years, I would say that they are young yet and may have their own "issues" to work out — it's got to be a shock to find out there are siblings your parents haven't told you about. They may need time to let it all "percolate" – parents, children, siblings, relationships — it's what keeps therapists (and novelists!) in business. I am sorry (for them) that they are losing out on a chance to meet a wonderful person! I know WE are richer for having you in our family! We all define "family" for ourselves, in the end, it IS your family tree, your branches — and if the other leaves don't like it, well tough patooties!

    • Laura permalink

      Anne,
      I agree! If the other leaves don't like it … well tough luck. Thank you for your perspective–I think you're right … I opened a door to truths that may take some time to percolate. Plus, I know when I was 18 to 20, I wasn't thinking about the importance of family ties, legacy, etc. etc. So, even if they closed that door, I'm not locking it, and they know where it is.
      Laura

  11. To hot place with them. No idea what they're missing.

    I treasure you.

    Love you so much

    ~D

    • Laura permalink

      Thank you, Deanna!

      Yes, I agree. And, honestly, it feels really good to write about this, and to connect with other adoptees — I treasure you, too!

      Laura

  12. JessicaInMe permalink

    What a wonderful post. I decided to "fornicate this fecal matter" in the last couple years, after a horrible car accident. I had always been "the good adoptee" even while being in reunion for almost 20 years. While in the hospital (completely drugged) apparently my 2nd mom's undies got in a bunch over some conversations that took place about my 1st mom & my reunion… months later, while recuperating my mom decides to bring it all up like I was to blame, or let alone had any control of what transpired while I was comatose! (but that's another post)

    I can tell you this… like the others said give the boys some time. They are young, two of my brothers were still in high school when I was reunited and it has taken into their adulthood for us to develop a relationship. My sister on the other hand, well she was jealous! It wasn't tell my car accident that she realized how much she wanted me in her life, we are now becoming GREAT friends/sisters.

    Also, my husband is adopted. His reunion experience is completely different. I think men are just different when it comes to all this reunion stuff…

    I pray that the boys will come around, maybe the nudge from their little sister when she decides to connect will make it all they need!!

    • Laura permalink

      Thanks for your support, I agree, I think time will help with my brothers. It's great (but also sad) that it took your accident for your sister to realize how important you are. And, you know, I'm also so sorry about your 2nd mom — I mean, she must have just been holding on and holding onto that hurt, waiting to unleash it — months after your recuperation! It is amazing how even those closest to us can only see things from their own perspective.

      I appreciate you sharing your story!
      Laura

  13. Secondary wounding is often as tragic and gut wrenching at the first. I hate that your half brother blocked you. What a mean thing for him to do. It's not like you're asking for a kidney or to move in to his house with him. Sheesh! What does he think you are a leper? Someone to be avoided because you're tainted in some way? Come on, dude, it's 2013, families come in many shapes and sizes these days. And hell, Facebook offers a very easy, non-committal way to connect with people. I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around your half brother's decision but I will say unequivocally that it's HIS MAJOR LOSS. And if he's going to have that kind of attitude about you, he doesn't deserve you and you're better off without him.

    Hope you don't mind my righteous indignation. I couldn't help myself.

    • Laura permalink

      Grace,

      I appreciate your righteous indignation! I have similar feelings, which is why I wrote about it–as opposed to keeping the rejection a secret.

      Anyway, I've opened the door, and even with writing about it, it's my perspective that I haven't closed any doors, just blown a hole in the entire wall, possibly.

      I appreciate your support so much …
      Warmly,
      Laura

  14. This scenario was heartbreakingly familiar to me, Laura. My half-sister, who told me when our birthmother died, wants nothing to do with me. All this time before I knew even where she was (over 20 years) I thought we would meet. Our birthmother (two different fathers) said she would introduce us but never did. I've decided that "friends are the new family," and I don't want the heartbreak of trying to meet my half-sister if she resents me. She apparently hated our birthmother- from my brief and only conversation with her. Quote "you were the lucky one." As in, I got adopted by reasonable people. Our birthmother was not stable, to say the least. I cannot afford the emotional energy in agonizing about this any longer. You are very courageous to take the attitude you're taking. And, I would add, wise. Sending love and blessings,

    Fellow adoptee Elaine

    • Laura permalink

      Elaine,
      I truly appreciate you, and your words of support and encouragement. Yes, friends are the new family, and there's no need to open yourself up to unnecessary heartbreak. I am so sorry to hear about your half-sister, who clearly is projecting her family issues onto you, and making you suffer because of it. For that, I am so sorry.
      Laura

  15. I don't know what to say. What do they want? As you say, you are here, you exist. You did nothing wrong. Maybe they are young and will get it eventually. But here is what I think right now: they reacted like selfish douche bags.There it is.

    • Laura permalink

      Yes! And, I think, too, things might change in the future, but let me tell you, calling out the douchiness, it feels great!

  16. Laura, thanks for this post. My heart hurts for you. I do know that there are certainly people who love you. I'm sorry your brothers didn't act lovingly. I hope in time, they will.

    • Laura permalink

      Addison! Thanks so much for your support … I know, I have to remind myself off this–I don't deserve this treatment, and there are plenty of people to do love me. … Thanks for the reminder :)

  17. grace permalink

    Oh, Laura. Perhaps when your sister is older, she'll feel differently. I will hope for that, for you, and that your brothers grow up and realize that they are missing out on someone awesome.

    As for me, I am itching and anxiously waiting for my half-sister to contact our mother! I found out, under really terrible circumstances, a few months ago about my half sister. While the circumstances were awful, I am completely grateful to know the truth — dude, to know that I have a sister! She's only 3 years older than I am. I want to find her, I want to meet her, I want her to know my children, I want to know my nieces and nephews (if I have them!) I want to have a relationship with her. I want to know my sister! Yet, I can't. Not until she comes to us. Our mother promised my sister's adoptive parents that she wouldn't try to contact them. Ever. She feels like she needs to stand by this 33 years later. sigh. So I hope, and so I wait.

    Your bravery and courage are remarkable and you are beautiful. I am sorry that your brothers haven't chosen to see that yet. Silly boys.

    Cheers to coming out, owning WHO you are, and cheers to no more damn secrets. Secrets suck. You do not :)

    Much love.

  18. Jeannette Mantilla permalink

    This has been on my mind for a long while. I've had the second rejection from bmom. First brother I found ended up blocking me on facebook, after wishing him a happy birthday. Of course, It'd been over a year, almost two that I had made first contact. I tried, fruitlessly, to start a relationship with him. I only got a reply to my initial email, but that's it. I know and admit I went overboard in my emailing him. I wanted him to know that I was truly interested in having me in my life. It backfired, of course. My other brother I found one year after the first. He accepted me immediately. Called his mom that first night to confirm who I was. She, OF COURSE, said he could have a relationship with me, but to never bring me up to her. =/ It's been five years. We have a relationship, but not at the level I'd like. He had left facebook, but returned. When he did, he didn't friend me, actually blocked me, because he "couldn't friend me" since he was friends with his mom. I'm tired of being "in the closet", of being a dirty, little secret, a skeleton that should never be seen or spoken about. I had no choice in all of this, so why am I the one being punished? UGH! BTW, the biggest irony is that brother #2 is gay – openly gay. Thanks for writing this. It's good to know I'm not the only that thinks this way. BTW, may I take the image to use as my profile pic? It SCREAMS how I feel! =)

    • Laura permalink

      (((Jeannette)))
      I'm not saying it's right, but from what you say, I can see that your other brother is struggling with having a relationship with you, and "maintaining the peace" with his mom, your birth mom.

      The connection to coming out of the closet as a homosexual vs. an adoptee … it's not lost on me, at all. Is it because we have all these PSAs about encouraging people to be open about their sexuality? I guess we haven't had that kind of outspokenness with adoption. … But I HOPE that that is changing. It's the exact reason why I wrote this post–to say, yes I. Exist. I'm not ashamed of existing, so you shouldn't be ashamed to know me.

      Yes! Thank you for asking, by all means, use the image … Thanks for commenting, and I am so sorry about your secondary rejection–it sucks, believe me, I know,
      Laura

  19. Kristin permalink

    Thank you for sharing this. I have a similar experience. My birthmother told me not to contact her, her family, or anyone who knew her. I have two half brothers – one who responded once and never again and another who has never responded (I'm not sure he has even received the one message I sent him thru Facebook and I have been struggling with whether to keep trying). Every day I take a different stance that varies somewhere between anger and pushing forward or empathy for them and pulling back. Despite my confusion, what I know is that secondary rejection is deeply painful…and hell yes, I exist!

    • Laura permalink

      Kristin,
      Yes, of course you exist, and there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with it! I'm not sure where you are in considering whether to contact the brother who never responded … Have you considered sending a letter to him–via certified mail? In that way, you could be sure that he received it, and at least send that worry to bed.
      Laura

      • Kristin permalink

        I've thought about a registered letter, but not done it yet. Maybe that's the next step. I have two uncles that I have thought about contacting too. It's lame how trying to find family leaves me feeling like a stalker. It is what it is, I guess. Thanks again for the post – so validating :)

      • Laura permalink

        I understand. I've seen other adoptees look at is as stalking. I don't know, maybe I'm weird. I look at it as gathering information in order to make an informed decision. You never know about your uncles–I always think, well my brothers may be like my b-dad, OR they might be like ME. They might be open-minded, open-hearted, curious. You know? Maybe they have an idea that you exist but have no idea how to start contacting you.

        Keep me updated! I want to hear what you decide, and how it goes …
        Laura

  20. Annie permalink

    Your letter was so full of respect, it at least deserved a response. So sad they didn't give you this, but after my own experiences I can tell you that it's absolutely not about you (I know you know this). It's finally sunk in for me that those people are avoiding knowing the truth about themselves, they're hiding from things that were there long before you existed. This gives me peace, I hope it does for all of us.

    • Laura permalink

      Annie,
      Thanks, I know, right? Yes, I'm sure those who are not open to reunited with me have more secrets (not just adoption) than I can really fathom. Thanks for your kind words :)
      Laura

  21. Michelle permalink

    I feel I have found the buoy in the storm!! I am in the midst of a similar situation. Found Bmom on Facebook, kudos to her for being 73 and on facebook, if nothing else. Sent message, some details, and also said if she felt it was best to leave things alone, then at the very least, please give me my family medical history. That was 2 months ago. No response. Sent a second message, asked if she received my previous correspondence, nothing.Two weeks ago I sent a message to the woman who employed both birth and adopted mothers, 46 years ago, asking if she could help or knew any medical history. No response. My middle name is after this woman, and the fact she is on Bmom facebook, tells me, there is more to my story. I SO RELATE to – "if I'm nice, and try not disrupt anyone's life, maybe they will …. what? have pity for me??" Oh, you have opened my eyes. Bmom has had a lot more time to play out the scenarios than I have.

    I have 3 siblings, one older, who ironically lives 15 miles from me! Two younger who live in different states. I am looking for input, should I phone Bmom, none of the messages show as being "seen". Or should I initiate contact with the oldest sibling? Not sure even what to say.

    Yes, I'm scared of being rejected, I didn't expect it. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, it's made me feel better. Input, anyone, please.

    • (((Michelle))) — Yes! I am here, We adoptees are here to support you!!!

      As per your questions … you never know with Facebook–it might not be "seen," but she may have received the actual text that you sent in her personal email accoutn–if she has FB connected to her email. And, even if she did read it, she can mark it as "unread," thereby giving you the impression that she didn't read it. If that makes sense :)

      My vote would be to focus on your adult siblings–there's nothing stopping you from contacting them, and from them having the opportunity to know you–whether or not they know of your existence already. I would assume they're all adults, since your birth mom is 73, so if you want to get to know all three of them, send all three of them a letter at the same time. If it feels more comfortable to start with the oldest, who lives closest to you–then by all means go for it!

      You survived the rejection, and you'll survive it again — I suggest you check out this post and the comments to see that other adoptees are going through similar experiences…
      http://www.adopteerestoration.com/2013/03/adoptee

      Keep me posted, or if you feel more comfortable — email me at laura@adoptedrealitymemoir.com

      Laura

  22. Michelle permalink

    It's been 3 months since I contacted "biological" mother, and about 7 weeks since I contacted the woman who employed her & my adoptive mother when I was born. No replies. Life has been unfolding fast lately, and hadn't looked for your response until now. Thank you for your support & the links!! I feel I've given a fair amount of time for "biological" to reply. Just like being "it" in a game of tag, I chime – Time's Up! I have 4 good excuses of why I hesitate to contact my siblings bypassing her. Mostly because, deep inside I keep telling myself, this is not how it's supposed to be! I have expectations, and although I think they are reasonable – I see I need to accept "plan B". I am going to contact my older sibling, who lives 15 miles from me, self placed deadline is by the end of the weekend. Yes, I'm scared, chicken, and I am still stuck in the "if I'm nice, and try not to disrupt…" and I need a push. That was hard to say. . Not wanting to go through another "wait" period, I thought of driving the 15 miles and knocking on her door, assuming she doesn't know of my existence, so unless I have some Girl Scout Cookies as a backup, I may not hear the words, "Come on in!" Instead it feels like a game show, what's behind door #3!

    I've decided to utilize facebook, (I'm 1-2) 1 being my step father, who gave me the info I needed to locate my biological mother & siblings. 2 being the no replies… Thank you for helping me realize that it's ok to contact my siblings, it is their choice also. I'm not sure what to say, more like how to get the "ball rolling", any suggestions?

    Side note: I have discovered my biological grandmother is alive, she is 92, also an aunt, who is 70.

  23. Michelle permalink

    Just a follow up for people who may be reading these posts….. well, I had second, third, fourth etc thoughts about contacting my siblings. I decided that I would call the woman who had employed both biological and adopted mothers. She answered, and talking with her was great, beyond great! She promised to pass along my contact info to my biological mother. That was 3 weeks ago. This morning, I received a call from her- I wasn't near my phone, thinking I would call whomever back… I was elated to hear the voice mail! She said she wasn't able to talk long today, but she would call again in 2 days, which happens to be my birthday.

  24. Kalee permalink

    Hello Laura!

    I think the letter you wrote to your half siblings was wonderful. If I had gotten a letter like that I would have been ecstatic! I am sir of on the other side of this. You see, I have 4 children and my youngest has a different dad than my older 3. His dad had been one of my long time best friends, who had an older daughter from a previous relationship. His ex and him were in a bitter custody battle for approx. 6 years much of which he was denied contact. Then she and her new husband filed for step parent adoption. This terminated my ex’s parental rights and any possibility of a relationship between my son and his half sister. I have asked them if they would allow my son and her to meet and they just deny that he is her half brother. To me this is very sad. We live very close to them. Our kids play in the same soccer league and I run into them all the time with my kids, but have to act as if I don’t know her. I knew her when she was a baby I know so much about her history, and it saddens me that my son and her can not know each other. I don’t know what to do. I am no longer with my ex and I am hoping her parents will allow her to meet her brother, but as of now they won’t even tell her she has any brother. My fear is that she will never want to know. I do tell my kids about her, they have even played together at the park without knowing. I hope you are able to form a relationship with your siblings. It is so sad how closed minded people can be.

    • Laura Dennis permalink

      Thanks so much for writing and sharing, Kalee. This story about your son's sister is heart-breaking. I'm glad that you've told him about her, and perhaps when he grows older, he may want to contact her himself. It's such a tough situation!

  25. Keep up the great work, I read few posts on this site and I conceive that your weblog is real interesting and has got bands of wonderful info.

  26. ellecuardaigh permalink

    I'm going through the same thing with my father's side, Laura. I have written similar letters only to be ignored. The rejection doesn't rule my life, but it's always there. The pain is real. I am real. They choose to believe I don't exist.

    Elle Cuardaigh

  27. Dolores permalink

    I am so truly sad that any adoptee is treated so horribly. Many B Mom's pray for the day
    they get to meet such a wonderful child like you. So many were shamed so badly, under 20 yrs. old, that they become too petrified to the fact that their child exists! If any of us were your B Mother, our life would finally be complete. Hugs, and never ending prayers, that your life will one day, be complete. Yes, you exist, you're beautiful, sensitive, loving and NEED TO KNOW YOUR INFORMATION SINCE YOUR BIRTH!! Never give up:)

  28. Laura Bunch permalink

    I'm so glad that I found this post on pintrest and I can't wait to read more. Over the years I have been reeling from pain from secondary rejection from my birthmother and her side of the family and its nice to know at least that I may feel alone in this, but I am not the only one. <3

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