“Oh, doesn’t every adoptee have a memoir to hawk these days? They’re simply popping up everywhere!”
Laura—Have you heard anyone make this flippant comment? I have, and at first I was taken aback. I thought, well, I have a memoir, so I guess I should just shut-up about it, because people must be sick of hearing about them.
Then I thought some more, and I started to get riled up. What the heck is wrong with the relatively recent proliferation of adoptee memoirs? They’re certainly Read more [...]
This guest piece comes from Jodi Gibson Haywood, a fellow adoptee writer. I thought her post was simply amazing, and wanted to share it with you.
Dear Adoptee Contemplating Suicide,
I have been where you are. That dark corridor with nothing but locked doors on both sides and no way out. You turn a corner hoping for an exit and only find yourself back where you started. You search for a light to guide you and it blinks out before you can reach it. You trust someone to lead you, but Read more [...]
Forthcoming in early Summer 2014:
“Adoption Therapy, Perspectives from Clients and Clinicians on Processing and Healing Post-Adoption Issues”
Wait, wait! Before you get your panties in a bunch, I know … I KNOW how fraught such a project is …
You may be thinking ... But Laura!
Adoptees are not damaged!
Not all adoptees need therapy!
By constantly self-victimizing, we perpetuate our “adopted child-ness,” and keep others from giving us the rights we deserve!
You’re Read more [...]
Executive summary: No.
At first I planned on writing a response to the recent conversation, Kristen Howerton Talks Transracial Adoption and Raising Black Children [INTERVIEW]
I wanted title the post: “Dear Adoptive Mom: Some Advice for When Life Is Confusing”
I planned to answer such confusing questions as
What is so wrong about featuring prominently the photos of me and my beautiful blended transracially adoptive family?
What is so wrong about talking about dealing with racism Read more [...]
Heard around the Internet this week:
If I hear “primal wound therapy” one more time …
I am so sick of adoptee self-victimization …
Not everything is because of adoption …
I get it, I really do.
Here's the reality of fog-emergence:
Self-examination a vital part of the Adoption Fog Emergence Process.
Without it, it is difficult—possibly impossible, for anyone (not "just" adoptees, first parents and adoptive parents) to work for social justice.
In Read more [...]
White Privilege is hard for Whites to understand.
But I'm colorblind, I don't discriminate!
But I have Black friends!
But my kids' school is so diverse!
But I thought we lived in a post-racial society!
But I voted for Obama!
And of course ...
But I listen to NPR, I'm super progressive! Check out #NPRgate on Twitter; it's totally a thing (coined by the unflappable Deanna Doss Shrodes).
The White Experience
We are blind to our own White Privilege. Read more [...]
The blowback from last Thursday’s post, Should Adoption Be Illegal?, was felt all the way in the mountains of Bulgaria.* And it wasn't from the New Year's fireworks.
I had a vague idea that it might be a controversial post, but not in the way I thought. Then I was insinuated? implied? that I was doing the work of a house slave, calling for reform as opposed to abolition of adoption.
At first, I was upset.
It felt like I'd been insulted somehow, but wasn't exactly sure what it Read more [...]
There are many in adopto-world who take (what I call) a hard line on adoption (and I get why, I totally do). They believe that adoption should be illegal in 100% of cases.
I recently tried explaining why this is a slippery slope, that it’s a logical fallacy.
Any time you argue for 100% of anything—in this case that adoption should be 100% illegal—you’re opening yourself up to having your argument negated, not taken seriously, dismissed.
Why can't we just say adoption should be Read more [...]
Yeah, I said "atheist." During the holiday season, no less. But don't worry, this is not a trigger-inducing, Scrooge-worthy post. Quite the opposite (in my opinion).
* * *
In young adulthood, my boyfriend-at-the-time was endlessly exasperated by my "insistence upon always being different." Even what I considered mere "timid-outlying" exhausted and frustrated him.
Full disclosure: this was in my Pre-Search Life, otherwise known as an identity-creation-limbo which occurred after I turned 18 Read more [...]